Star Wars: The Prequels - An Abridged Version

Episode 1: The Phantom Thingie
"Master Qui Gonn, I have a bad feeling about this."
"About what, Obi Wan?"
"Well, we've been running around for about half an hour now with no discernible purpose, and now we're being drawn towards some horrible dust-bowl of a planet to pick up some irritating little kid."
"That's the force, my young padawan."
"Hmm. If you say so. By the way, Master, do you know who this floppy-eared gimp is following us about everywhere?"
"No, but if we ignore him he might go away... Obi Wan! A Sith lord!"
"Hurray! Something to do!"

Episode 2: Attack of the Whatsits
"Master Obi Wan, do you think I look good in black?"
"No, Anakin, I think you look like a wannabe Sith lord."
"What-ev-er!... Phwoar! Look at Padme! She's turned into some proper posh totty!"
"Yes, and oddly she's only aged three years whilst you've aged ten."
[Off-screen Muppet voice:] "Begun this Clone war has."
"Quick! Everyone outside! The special effects are starting!"

Episode 3: Revenge of the Doo-das
"Senator Palpatine, I've been having these dreams about Padme..."
"Please, Anakin, I'm an old man, and-"
"No, not those sorts of dreams. Nightmares they be. I think she's going to die in childbirth. Can I stop it happening?"
"Oh, I see. This pamphlet might be of interest."
"Everything you wanted to know about the dark side of the force but were too afraid to ask. Wow! Just what I was after. Is it really this easy, Master?"
"Of course. Just don't go near any planets made of lava."
"Planets made of lava? That's preposterous!"

To be continued...


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